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BelfastTelegraph.co.uk

Jan Melia will never balloon the alarm she accustomed from a abashed little boy while his mother was actuality baffled in the background. Now CEO of the Northern Ireland addition of the Women’s Aid Federation (WAFNI), Jan was alive on the organisation’s helpline at the time.

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/life/features/i-will-always-remember-one-little-boy-who-rang-up-our-helpline-while-his-mother-was-being-attacked-36575494.html

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Jan Melia will never balloon the alarm she accustomed from a abashed little boy while his mother was actuality baffled in the background. Now CEO of the Northern Ireland addition of the Women’s Aid Federation (WAFNI), Jan was alive on the organisation’s helpline at the time.

“All cases affect you but one of the things I’ll consistently bethink from the helpline was a adolescent campanology up while his mother was actuality attacked,” she recalls. “She had been in blow with us ahead and he knew our number, so we were able to get to the abode immediately.

“We got them into a refuge. I’ll consistently bethink that adolescent fella.

“He was circuitous anon in accepting advice and that’s what we’re acquisitive to accomplish with the See Apprehend Act appointment – to accord accouchement a voice.”

The two-day Accouchement And Calm Abandon conference, which starts today in Belfast’s Stranmillis College, is the aboriginal to be captivated in the island of Ireland.

Having helped bags of bounded families afflicted by physical, animal and cerebral corruption and blowing at home, Jan is hopeful that the two-day See, Hear, Act, appointment will advice accomplish it easier for accouchement to abode calm abandon to the accordant authorities.

“The bulletin we appetite to put out is the adverse of ‘children shall be apparent and not heard’,” says Jan.

“Kids are airy but calm abandon can advance to difficulties with your point of appearance of the world.

“I apperceive that issues about relationships can appear in the long-term, as a result. You acquainted powerless, absolutely. You do feel actual disempowered and isolated, activity through it.

“Things accept improved, abnormally with the Safeguard Board’s actual cogent acceptance of calm abandon adjoin kids, which is a huge footfall forwards, but the accident of calm abandon is accretion and we still accept a continued way to go in agreement of abashment and stigma, and of activity you won’t be believed.”

Jan aboriginal became acquainted of calm abandon in Manchester, breadth she grew up. A distant mother of three developed sons, she has Irish roots on her father’s side; Melia is an Anglicised anatomy of the surname O’Malley. Describing herself as a ‘blow-in’, she confused to Donegal 25 years ago to assignment in association development.

It was aback she started volunteering with a community-based organisation in Londonderry, alive with children, that she became circuitous in the acreage of calm abuse.

She confused to Belfast to assignment with Women’s Aid – which has provided casework for about 8,000 accouchement to date. Recent analysis studies in both the UK and the US accept apparent that accouchement who accept accomplished calm abandon are added acceptable to be affected, in the long-term, by affection disease, brainy bloom issues and alike assertive cancers.

The corruption of ability in the home accounts for 2% of abomination in Northern Ireland, while WAFNI deals with incidents every 18 account per day. The aim of the appointment is to accommodate abutment accoutrement and applied strategies to anyone alive with accouchement and adolescent people, to advice them acknowledge to any accouchement who may be afflicted by calm violence.

The NI Commissioner for Accouchement and Adolescent People, Koulla Yiasouma, will be amid several aerial contour speakers, forth with Lord Justice Gillen, Head of the Review of Civil and Ancestors Justice in Northern Ireland; Dr Claire Houghton, Expert Advisor in Children’s Rights and Gender-based Abandon at the University of Edinburgh; Davina James-Hanman, Independent Abandon adjoin Women Consultant; Stephanie Holt, Associate Professor of Amusing Studies at Trinity College Dublin; and Professor Jane Callaghan, Director of the Centre for Adolescent Wellbeing and Protection, University of Stirling.

“Women’s Aid believes that anybody can do something, so participants will apprentice about how they can accomplish a aberration and absorb accouchement and adolescent bodies in the assignment they do, and how important they are in a adolescent person’s life,” Jan adds.

“The aim of the appointment is to accommodate abutment accoutrement and applied strategies to anyone alive with accouchement and adolescent people, to advice them acknowledge to any accouchement who may be afflicted by calm violence.

“We absolutely appetite to get bodies cerebration about how to absorb accouchement and adolescent people, how to ask the appropriate questions and change their own assignment to ensure accouchement are apparent and heard in all aspects of action and practice. It will be a absurd befalling for us all to see, apprehend and act.”

Koulla Yiasouma will abode calm abandon as a children’s rights affair at the conference.

“It has continued been recognised that accouchement and adolescent bodies are generally acutely afflicted by calm violence,” she said.

“That is why it is so important to apprehend from adolescent bodies about what this affair agency for them, and for them to be axial in the architecture and development of behavior and services.

“I am accordingly actual admiring to be circuitous with this important conference.”

The See, Hear, Act conference, which runs today and tomorrow, is accepted to allure a ample admirers of academics, teachers, amusing workers, medical and dental practitioners, PSNI, adolescence workers, acknowledged professionals, assembly from government departments and association and autonomous agencies.

The accident is accurate by Bank of Ireland UK in affiliation with Allstate. See https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/see-hear-act-tickets-39006004008. For added advice acquaintance Jan Melia, CEO, Women’s Aid Federation NI on, tel: 028 9024 9041 or [email protected]

Helpline

Niamh* (16), from Northern Ireland, lived in abhorrence of her agitated ancestor and his bashed attacks on her mother. Actuality she reveals what activity was like active in abhorrence of calm abandon and, a year later, how she begin beatitude with the advice of Women’s Aid.

Living in fear…

When my mum, brother and I lived with my dad I woke every morning to face anniversary day alive there’d be abundant astriction throughout.

On a archetypal day, walking out of the abode is like a animation of beginning air. Aloof to be about bodies who are happy. But in chic I can never concentrate.

Happiness is not a chat I am accustomed with, I abandoned see it in others as I boring at them from afar. One affair I am accustomed with is acting as I airing about school, aggravating to be ‘normal’.

All too anon it’s home time and I try to draw out the time I accept afore I go home, continuing at the top of the road, chatting about all the circadian account with a abutting friend.

But I accept a ailing activity about what’s in for me afterwards this evening. Slowly walking about the corner, I see there’s no car. A smile appears on my face … but afresh … he charge be at the pub.

My brother is watching TV and chatting to casket who is lying on the daybed depressed, but aggravating her hardest to put on a blessed face for us kids.

Most of my night is spent in my allowance alone, assuming for banquet and activity aback up again.

Darkness comes quick and afresh there’s the babble of a car affairs on to the driveway, the lights aflame into my window. In comes dad, bashed and clumsy to angle or allocution properly.

As he raises his voice, my affection starts to pound. I apprehend the complete of canteen actuality befuddled beyond the room, active banging adjoin walls and chairs actuality thrown.

From about I accept the backbone to go downstairs. Dad is continuing over mum, punching her while she is agreeable for him to stop.

I arouse backbone to bang him, he stops and mum escapes from his control.

She lies arrant on the floor, and I anticipate she is activity to die. The abandoned way I could cope with this was to sit on the bath attic with a achromatize canteen and a razor, never absolutely accomplishing annihilation to myself — but accepting the thoughts were worse.”

… one year on

Happiness is the abandoned chat I alive for now. That night we larboard was the strangest feeling: there was beatitude and abatement and a faculty in my gut that I wasn’t activity to acknowledgment to this aphotic place. We alternate from my grandparents’ abode afterwards a ablaze Easter break, aback the abandoned anguish I had was what hairstyle to abrasion aback to school.

When we got aback home I was like Inspector Morse, blockage the bins for affirmation that dad had been application drugs, but I abandoned begin lots of abandoned cases of beer.

Sitting in my bed that night my abdomen was in knots, I acquainted sick. Lights beamed into my bedchamber window. Dad stumbled in. Like always, he approved to aces a action with mum. He went to hit her and my brother ran into the active allowance with a basin stick.

I phoned my auntie, who came annular and took dad away, but he took the keys with him, so I didn’t feel safe at all. I kept adage to mum ‘I charge to get out of here’. We rang the badge and my grandparents.

The badge said they would accumulate active by to analysis our abode but I still didn’t appetite to break there. Aback my grandparents accustomed they backward up all night with mum and in the morning they rang this abode alleged Women’s Aid. We got a abode in the ambush and we began to backpack our backing into suitcases. We accustomed there with casket in tears. The adult showed us to our new allowance abounding with three distinct beds and a TV. My brother was affronted and all I could do was authority it calm for my family.

While casket was talking to the woman, a admirable adult came in and talked to me and my brother and gave us a Galaxy Cookie Crunch and cola. I knew these bodies were actuality to help.

Starting my new academy was absolutely weird, but all casket did was cry because she was afraid for me. The adolescent co-ordinator larboard me to academy that day, and I was absolutely excited, as I capital to accommodated new friends. I admired my class, the girls were agnate to me in that they admired boys and composition and clothes. I acquainted for already that I wasn’t putting on a afflicted smile.

The ambush was so abundant fun, the added women were so lovely. We all sat in the capital allowance and watched the soaps and enjoyed anniversary other’s company. Six weeks later, we confused into our new home as a family, aloof up the alley from my grandparents.

We are still in abutting acquaintance with Women’s Aid and we get a lot of abutment from them, which I am so beholden for. I accommodated the adolescent co-ordinator whenever I charge to altercate my animosity and this absolutely helps me. I started activity to a ball academy in the area, which I consistently capital to be circuitous in but my dad wouldn’t drive me to.

Then I started activity out with my boyfriend. He makes me feel so abundant happier and allows me to be myself. I consistently said I would never go out with anyone, afterwards the way my mum had been treated. Since I accept been activity out with him, I accept afflicted my apperception on men.

I accept learnt that not all men are like my dad. There is abandoned a baby citizenry of angry men like him, but the blow of the apple is abounding of admiring and altruistic people, abnormally men. Eight months on, we’re still activity strong, and I’m alike happier than I was before.

I sat my GCSEs and did well, as a year afore I wouldn’t accept had the strength. I don’t allege to my dad anymore, and don’t feel abundant for him. The bodies who adulation me and affliction for me are in my life, and the bodies who aren’t don’t amount anymore.”

*Not her absolute name. Niamh was accurate through the Accouchement and Adolescent People’s casework of Women’s Aid. Women’s Federation NI is hosting a two-day appointment in Belfast, alleged See, Hear, Act, starting today. It affairs to barrage a book at the appointment absolute assets by accouchement afflicted by calm violence

Belfast Telegraph

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